Broken Teeth and The Dentist

“So, you’re telling me the fella just fell over in the street. Just like that. No push. No shove. He just simply landed on his face.” This was the policeman talking standing next to the open door of his patrol car. The open door that hung over the pavement. That he was leaning on while he talked to the man.

“Yeah, that’s just about how it happened,” replied the man with the long dark coat. Hands in his pockets. Collar turned up against the cold night wind. Black knitted beanie on his head. Standing just in the shadows. The tall van shutting out the glow from the nearby streetlight. 

“Just like that and he happened to fall flat on his face and knock all his front teeth out.” 

“You’ve got it,” replied the man. 

“So, it was you who called the police?” 

“Sure was and the ambulance which like I said is on its way. I saw him fall and thought he might need help.” 

“You didn’t help him then?” 

“Nope. I’ve done the first aider courses. Rule one: don’t move the patient. Rule two: no pain killers to be given. Rule three: apply pressure to any bleeding but there’s no bleeding except into the pavement from his mouth and that’s not enough for pressure to be needed even if it was possible to apply pressure to what’s left of his teeth. Then there’s rule four …” 

“Okay, okay, I’ve got the picture. So, who is he?” 

“How should I know? All I’ve done is make sure he’s comfortable and was waiting for help to arrive. And there you are helping. Look, it's just past closing time and I saw the fella staggering along the pavement. Strikes me he’s a drunk and tripped on that raised slab just there. You see it? It sticks up at least an inch. Trip hazard. You know someone tripped on that not so long ago. Fell and broke a wrist. The council should fix it, but they say they’ve got no money which means they’re happy for people to break wrists and get their teeth knocked out. What do you think of that?” 

“Not my job to worry about council problems. I just attend calls and talk to guys like you… What’s your name?” 

“Andy Drake.” 

“And what are you doing here?” 

“I’ve come to collect my van. I finished early today, had a couple of pints at lunchtime and did not think I was legal to drive so I walked home. I need to load it for tomorrow so that’s why I’ve come to collect it.” 

“This van?” said the policeman pointing at the high side, shading the light from the lamp post. 

“That’s the one.” 

“Okay, here’s the ambulance. Give me your address in case we need a statement then you can get off… You’ve not had a drink since lunchtime?” 

“Nope, otherwise I would not be here, would I?” 

Andy told the paramedics the same story and then stood and watched the man loaded into the ambulance. 

“Right, that’s it then,” said the copper, “We’ll contact you if we need anything else.” 

 

A week later, shortly before six in the evening, Andy strolled along the High Street, took a lane off to the right and slipped through a door with John Crane Dentist on a sign screwed to the wall. 

“Is he available?” he asked the receptionist. 

“I’ll check,” she replied and then said, “Go right through. You know which door.” 

“Thanks,” said Andy and walked down a short corridor. Checked the first door and saw an empty treatment room. Same with the second. Into the third saying, “Hi bros,” as he walked through the door. “That man with the smashed in teeth been in yet?” 

“Sure, he needed four implants. Total cost: twenty-two grand.” 

“Is he all right? He looked a bit… well, beaten up after I’d pushed him. It took a hell of a lot to persuade him to land without breaking his fall with his hands. Took a couple of goes but he did it in the end.” 

“Yeah, he’s fine. Bit of bruising but he’s okay with that.”   

“Perfect. Any of your other customers drunks?” 

“Nope, but I’m having thoughts about another patient who needs new front teeth. They stick out like a rabbit.” 

“When you’re ready let me know. I’m off to see Gary now.” 

“Say hi from me will you… I’ve sent your cut to your bank. It should be there by now.” 

“Thanks bros… see yah,” Andy said as he walked out of the door. 

 

Walking back to the High Street he strolled along the pavement only about one hundred yards and through a door with Gary Crane, Solicitors on a sign screwed to the wall. Up a short flight of stairs and into an office saying, “Hi bros. Did that fella with the broken teeth come and see you?” 

“Hi, Andy and nice to see you as well. Yup, he did. I’ve got the claim into the council. Having admitted liability, they paid out to the lady with the broken wrist a while back so there’ll be no problem getting compensation for the cost of the man’s teeth. They’ve already admitted liability. What could they do after the wrist lady. Sweet, eh? He should get a few grand extra compensation for stress and injury, that sort of thing. The total claim is for forty-five grand but we’ll settle for forty.” 

“Perfect. So, another happy customer. New teeth and some cash as well.” 

“Yeah, a happy man all right. By the way, I'll send your cut to you when the deal’s done. Shouldn’t be too long. They settled out of court with the wrist lady so I’m not anticipating any delay.” 

“Easy money if it all comes through.” 

“Yeah, if there’s any snags our only risk is the cost of a few hours of teeth surgery and a bit of legal time. But what’s time cost?” 

“Nothing when it’s your own… Well, I’m off. Take care and I’ll see you soon Gary, you know, when the next punter turns up.”