9 - A Chicken, White Tack and a Chimney Sweep
9 – A Chicken, White
Tack and a Chimney Sweep
Raphael
Ravenscroft suddenly fires up and fills the speakers of the bedside digital
clock. That riff. And what a riff. That infectious sound, a creation of pure
genius by the coming together of one of the greatest saxophone players of the
modern age and the burgeoning talent of ex busker and Steelers Wheel front man
Gerry Rafferty. Eight in the morning and time to get up. Tommy Tucker, as is
his usual practice, wakes but does not turn off the alarm. He always, most
definitely always, listens to the entire track. Baker Street containing the
best example of passionate saxophone playing. Ever.
He
bounces out of bed full of beans and into the shower. Then dressed. He wears
his normal clothes which considering his natural buoyant exuberance are rather
subdued. White T shirt with a motif of guess who, a young Raphael stencilled on
the front. Black, white and a shade of grey. Hanging loose over a pair of
everyday jeans, faded blue and part covering pale blue sneakers. The mop he
calls hair so thick it is virtually impossible to prepare for display to the
passing world. His very smiley face full of charm and warm appeal. Breakfast
then out to the shops.
It
is October and chilly so he wears his bomber jacket. His bouncy, strutting
stride gliding him effortlessly over the flagstones of the pavement. The way he
moves reminiscent of Tony Manero in that magnificent opening sequence to
Saturday Night Fever. Tony Manero, very smart, strutting down the High Street,
that little bounce in his step. So cool. Wearing a black leather bomber jacket,
red shirt and red shoes. Ogling the girls. The king of the town. Then into the
hardware store and reality strikes. Bomber jacket off, light browny grey store
coat on and begins the spiel selling the can of paint to the little old lady.
The
first thing he buys is a chicken. A fresh chicken. He is meticulous in his
choice. Just the right size. The next thing he buys is a packet of white tack.
Same as blue tack but white. Then a packet of half inch number ten screws. He
takes his purchases home. He cuts the legs off the chicken. Neatly, with a bit
of care. Then files the thread almost off four of the screws. Leaving legs
behind, he wraps up the chicken and puts it in a polythene bag. The white tack
and screws go into his tool box. Then off to work.
Outside
he gets into his van sign written “Bobby Tucker Aerials and TV Repairers”. Off
to his first job of the day. A large house with a multi gabled roof. Roof
slopes in all directions. In the very centre of the roof is a large tall
chimney. Surrounded by roof slopes and valley gutters. Maybe ten feet high off the ridge line. He sets up his ladders and climbs
up into a valley gutter running along one side of the chimney. He takes a
smaller ladder up into the gully and rests it against the chimney. He can then
access the whole of the chimney safely and easily. He erects a new satellite
dish in a position that is unobtrusive but will still give a good signal. He
climbs to the top of the chimney and inserts the chicken
into the metal flue liner inside the chimney pot that serves the main room log burning stove. There is no cowl. The chicken
is a loose fit but just right. He uses the wings to provide support hooking
them over the edge of the liner so preventing it slipping down the flue.
He
takes the cable over the roof slopes and down the outside wall to the rear
window of the main sitting room. A white painted wooden window with metal
catches. He drills a hole in the window frame to take the cable into the house
above and behind the TV unit. This is the preferred cable route suggested by
the owner. Fixes it to the satellite box. Job done he packs up and on to the
next job.
The
next day the owner lights the wood burner stove which of course pours smoke
into the room due to the chimney being blocked. He calls the chimney sweep who
arrives and sets up. Protects the room with sheeting and pushes his brush up
the chimney giving it a big final shove. The chicken flies high up into the air and comes down crashing onto the roof breaking a large
patch of roof tiles. Comes to rest in the valley gutter. Job done he packs up and goes back
to his job list for the day.
A three weeks later there is a terrific storm. The roof leaks from the broken tiles causing massive
damage to the ceiling and walls of the main bedroom. The owner calls the roof
tiler who repairs the roof. He then calls the decorator who makes good all the
damaged plaster and paintwork.
Four weeks later the owner and his wife get home after a night at the theatre to find they have been burgled. All of his wife’s jewellery has been stolen along with about one thousand pounds in euros that were in his sock draw. The cash had just been withdrawn for a holiday to Italy that had been booked a while ago. Entry was through the rear window to the main room which had been left open. It could not be determined however how it had been opened as there was no damage from forced entry.
When
Bobby fixed the cable through the window he removed the window handle and stay. He
replaced them using the almost filed down screws making a strong enough fixing for general use but slightly weak. He placed white tack between the handle and stay and the frame to prevent the
handle and stay wobbling. When he returned the evening of the theatre trip
all he had to do was pull sharply on the window and it opened with the handle and stay falling off. As he left he replaced the handle and stay removing the white tack and
fixing them with the original screws that he had retained during his first visit.
He
knew exactly what to take and when to be there. The decorator had searched the main bedroom.
Discovered the jewellery, tickets for Italy and the theatre tickets in the dressing table. It was an easy matter for Bobby
to snatch the jewellery and then the cash. He knew where the cash would be
because as any burglar will tell you men keep valuable things in their sock
draws. Usually hidden in some rolled up socks. The money was likely to be there because
the Italy trip was arranged for just two days later.
There
are four brothers who work extensively around the villages where they live.
They are well respected, reliable and will come out at the drop of a hat to
help people who have an emergency. This is not cheap. They charge an
emergency call out rate. Mostly this is covered by house holder insurance.
Their services are very much appreciated. They are continually getting people
out of trouble. Are considered heroes for the caring attention they give in times of distress. One is an aerial fitter, one a chimney sweep, one a roofer and one a
decorator.
And
the chicken. It takes only a few hours for carrion birds to devour the meat
from a chicken carcass leaving only a few bones that appear insignificant. At the time of cleaning the chimney it was not known when it would next rain.. The chicken would have gone by the time the roof was repaired.
The evidence therefore was.very neatly destroyed.
The evidence therefore was.very neatly destroyed.
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